Unintended
by angelofplottwists
Summary: Originally a oneshot titled The Inevitable. When pressure becomes too great, intentions are the first to be rendered null. Then comes restraint. KuroganexFai.
1. Chapter 1

_Written based on odditypist's prompt on LJ - basically, the song "The Walk" by Imogen Heap. I highly suggest it for listening._

* * *

It's not meant to be like this.

I blame you entirely. You and your refusal to back down. You and your eternal closeness, almost touching, never touching – you make it difficult for me to remember to stay aloof. And then you close me out as surely as you invite me in, which hurts all the worse because I know you have no idea what you're doing. What you do to me.

We two are incompatible, and should not be allowed in such proximity. We cannot manage at this range, and still you press close, determined to satisfy your own curiousity, never realising you've piqued mine. I can hear every palpitation of your heart, and it does inescapable things to my mind and body. I don't _want_ this. It shouldn't happen this way – you should return to your home and I should continue the escape until I run out of ground. We were never meant to meet.

It is hitsuzen, as the Witch of the Dimensions says, but I can't help but wonder if hitsuzen can be made to happen. If perhaps it is not fate but intervention that causes the inevitable. If you even know what I'm saying.

It's not supposed to be like this. I should hate you, and you should hate me. I tried to ensure that, and I suppose that was hitsuzen too. But even hitsuzen has no sway towards matters of the heart, and that is why our contrived closeness is unbearable.

So I don't hate you for giving me the thing I had given up, and you don't hate me for making your task so difficult. That must be hitsuzen, too. Is it hitsuzen to shiver at the slightest movement, to tangle myself in other emotion to avoid the underlying counterpart to hate? Did this strange thing happen because we should have hated each other, had hitsuzen not gotten in the way?

I'm afraid every second that you might touch me, and disappointed each time you don't. And it's your fault, because I never tried to avoid fate and never tried to do anything but hate you. You were the one to make my plans fall to pieces. You were the one who challenged the inevitable and invited the Witch's hitsuzen to take the place of what _should_ be.


	2. Chapter 2

_part two. More Fai. And also Kurogane._

* * *

I'm caught here in your gaze, unable to move because I'm more afraid of what's behind me. I don't know how I'll avoid you this time and the chances of succeeding are growing slimmer as you persist and my desire to stop fighting grows stronger. I'm getting weaker. I'm going to crack to, and I'm starting to realise that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it…

What I am is unpredictable, even to myself. I don't trust myself any more to stay safe away from you, not as I keep wanting to do otherwise. I'm edging too far into the danger zone, and now I can't get back out.

Oh, I would give so much to be able to properly hate you, or have no cause to evade you…

--

You're trembling, and yes, I can tell. Stop that. You're making things harder for both of us.

I'm burning to say something, shout it, shove into reality so that we can communicate and maybe fix what we've broken. I didn't mean to become your caretaker, but you left me choice. And what it means is that I have to push at your boundaries. I won't let you hesitate like this.

I _will_ let you hate me, but if you don't make a decision soon, I'll make it for you. I know what _I_ want, which is probably more than you can say. I don't think you know what you want. I don't think you've had any idea from the start. But it is or should be your choice to make. You're gonna live, and live with me around, or you're going to leave us all behind. You'll have to let me in or fail in your mission. I know you don't seek death, because your reason for joining us was to flee it. Could you ask for your own death? I don't think you're that strong.

You're saying something, and I am watching you because there is nothing else I can do until this is resolved and _damn_, you're getting on my nerves. I can _tell_ your resistance is starting to fade, has been waning – but for what outcome is still a mystery. I know I shouldn't hurry the process…

But I can almost taste the realisation of a long-anticipated decision and I can almost taste the answer, and it's a far more bitter flavour than I've ever imagined you possessing.


	3. Chapter 3

_ah...several points of view. They're self-explanatory._

* * *

There isn't a point where either one can agree. Fai-san refuses to believe he feels anything he doesn't want to, even though he knows he does, and Kurogane-san doesn't know how to make his messages heard. So they dance around the point and make everything more difficult, and I wonder how either of them can survive holding onto something so fragile without encouragement. One of them, if not both, has got to give in soon. They can't stay at such odds, with such intensity, for so long. Either they've got to let go or make it work. And it's their choice.

I can only watch.

--

I wonder what Fai-san would have acted like, had he been alone with Kurogane-san for this part of the journey. He's held himself together for Sakura and forced himself to forgive my double for my sake. Because of us, he hasn't had the chance to express himself fully. I wonder if he ever will.

I know there's been something going on between the mage and the ninja since it first started showing. A special kind of animosity that lacked any kind of hatred and thus grew into something else, for lack of better description. While my double didn't have the attention for them with Sakura around, I saw many things that I have a feeling few others did. I don't know if Sakura saw. She is aloof now, and it's not my place to ask her.

But for her sake, my sake, and their sake too, I hope Fia-san and Kurogane-san can sort themselves out soon.

--

We're alone again, and again I'm resisting the urge to tell you things. Important things. But I can't tell you anything, because most of anything has to do with you, and I don't…

I don't know.

I'm not meant to feel like this, feel anything, but that hasn't stopped me before and it isn't stopping me now. I don't want to believe that I could feel anything for you, but I'm afraid it's too late for that.

Are you trying to wait me out? Or am I missing something you're saying? Am I as deaf to you as you are to me?

It's like Yama, except worse because now we can speak, but still we say nothing.

--

Are you going to keep looking so desperate?

You're not completely closed off for once, but your mask is as present as it's ever been. I want to wipe it clean, but if this blankness is your mask, then what are you? I'm almost afraid to find out, because I've been hoping you're not completely changed.

But someone's got to do something soon, or we'll all collapse under the tension.

Can I snap you out of it? Will you forgive me afterwards? Or will there even be an afterwards?


	4. Chapter 4

_This is the known ending. There may be more, someday. But for now, it's an end._

* * *

I'm caught here in your gaze, unable to move because I'm more afraid of what's behind me. I don't know how I'll avoid you this time, and the chances of succeeding are growing slimmer as you persist and my desire to just stop fighting it grows stronger. I'm getting weaker, I'm going to crack soon, and there's nothing I can do about it…

What I am is unpredictable, even to myself. I don't trust myself any more to stay a safe distance away from you, not as I keep wanting to do otherwise.

Oh, I would give so much to be able to properly hate you, or have no cause to resent you at all…

--

You're trembling, clearly enough for me to see from my distance.

I'm burning to say something, shout it, snap you into the here and now and shake every little thing you keep bottled up out of you so I'll know what the hell I can do about you. I didn't mean to become your caretaker, much as you appear to hate me for it, but what it means is that I have to push at your boundaries. I won't let you hesitate like this for much longer.

I'll let you hate me, as that's not under my control, but if you don't decide soon, I'll make your choice for you. I'll take on the price, because I know exactly what I want. I don't think you know what you want. This should be your choice to make, your price to pay, but you've got to step up and decide. It's not just about living or dying. If you live, you'll live with me. You're stuck with me. Can you accept that? Can you learn to tolerate me again?

You say something – I can't hear what – and I am watching you because there is nothing else to see of more importance and damn, this is getting annoying. Make up your mind. I am tired of this process, and I know it's you're decision to make, but I am not patient by nature and you are trying every ounce of it I have. I shouldn't force you…

But I can almost taste the realisation of a long-anticipated decision, and I can almost taste the answer, and it has a far more bitter flavour than I've ever imagined you possessing.

--

You're biding your time.

I know you can tell how close I am to cracking. I don't want to give in, but that's never stopped me before…

Why are you coming closer? I'm already collapsing faster than even a moment earlier, gaining speed before I crash. This isn't helping. My control is fading – you're too close – too close, and I'm not responding the way I want myself to respond. I don't think it's me in control anymore, and I'm scared that it is, because if it is, there's no saving me now.

But this isn't supposed to happen.

"Make up your mind," you growl, and I am amazed that you even believe I have a choice to make. I'm just avoiding the inevitable. I don't want to take any option I can think of, but I have a feeling I won't need to. I know I can't end this feeling of falling – that would involve acknowledging you, asking a favour of you, and there are other things I'd rather ask of you…

Other things?

You sigh – and since when are you close enough for me to feel it on my face – and smile grimly as if you know my mind better than I do. I think you do, because you're even closer, no, in my face and that's your mouth on mine and is this a kiss because I can't tell but I know this isn't how it's supposed to be and I definitely don't want this but damn it feels good and maybe there's a reason after all to be in love with you…

Wait.

Love?

_Shit._


End file.
